By appointment · open at odd hours

The First Sitting

$9.99one payment · not a club

The dog alone. You and the dog. Everyone, dog in the middle.

A sitting is what they called it when you went to the painter. You had to be royal, or married to a cousin, ideally both. Now it takes one photograph and 90 seconds.

Try it freeSee the styles

Oil, sketch, or whatever you type — make a wish.

Two men and their dachshund in a panelled hall beneath a huge gilt portrait of the same laughing selfie, the original snapshot pinned beside it as a polaroid
No. 1 — the sitting

See yours in oil before you pay a penny.

One photograph. One line of your own. Press the button. The first one is free and it is the real thing.

1 — the photograph
2 — the custom text

Their name, or a whole line. It gets painted in, in the picture’s own hand — gilt serif under the oil, pencil in the corner of the drawing. Never stuck on after.

3 — your own idea included in the $9.99 sitting
Any scene you can say in one sentence.A velvet aristocrat in 1790. The captain of your own yacht. Tudor royalty in a stone hall. You type it after the free oil, and we paint exactly that.

Free. The oil comes back first.

The portrait
An example sitting: two men and their French bulldog, the selfie pinned over the free oil

Yours lands here.
This one was a kitchen selfie.

Example of the free oil
First Sitting — previewThe sitting is under way1:30do not close this page

The easel is clean. The paint is open.

That’s them.

Unlock the sitting — $9.99

Print file · second portrait · type any scene you want · one re-roll if we didn’t get the eyes

Keep my portrait — $9.99
No. 2 — the collection

Choose any style from growing collection.

26 house styles, all of them ours, all of them on the same photograph. Hover to stop the wall. Or scroll past the lot and make a wish instead.

26 of them.Pick any 3 · you keep the lot
Or

Make a wish.

Type the portrait you have always wanted. One sentence is the whole brief, and we paint exactly that.

Two sentences. Two portraits. Neither of them is on the wall above.

A man in an embroidered velvet coat by candlelight with his black French bulldogA laughing man in a white and gold captain's uniform on a yacht deck with his wire-haired dachshund on his lapVelvet, 1790
No. 3 — the words

Say something.
It becomes the picture.

A name. A house motto. Something only your house finds funny. Type it and it comes back built into the art — a travel poster, a monogram, a coat of arms with a shield nobody earned.

A scruffy terrier standing up at an open fridge, caught in the act
The photograph · 11.42pm · the fridge
A travel-poster print of the dog on a ship's deck in a green jacket, banner reading Mister Oops Says Hi
typedMister Oops says hiThe postcard
A floral monogram H with the dog leaning through it, scripted The House of Good Boy
typedThe House of Good BoyThe monogram
A gilded monogram M wound with roses, the dog on a shield at its centre, ribbon reading Mary's Castle
typedMary’s CastleThe coat of arms

Same dog. Same fridge. Three sentences apart.

No. 4 — elsewhere

On the wall.

You get the files. Where they end up is between you and the dog.

A gallery wall hung with a large signed roundel of a man being licked by his dog, the original phone snapshot framed small beside it
Being licked, in gold leaf. The snapshot hung beside it as evidence.“He licks my face every morning. Now he does it in gold leaf, above the radiator.”Daniel & Otis
A velvet leopard-and-jungle portrait of two men and their Italian greyhound, far too big for their tiny top-floor flat, one man straightening it from a chair
Top-floor flat. Too big for the wall. Hung anyway.“It is bigger than our kitchen. We moved the kettle.”Marco, Callum & Rue
Four printed portrait cards on a desk: a man with a puppy on his head, two men and their whippet yawning, the same two men older sneezing with the old whippet, and the whippet alone, beside the phone snapshots they came from
Printed at home. Cheap frame. Still works.“12 years, 4 cards, 1 dog who ruined every single photo. We framed the sneeze.”Rob, Anand & Biscuit

Old families hung the heir over the stairs. Now the dog gets the spot.

A phone selfie of two men and their French bulldog, pinned as a polaroid over the free oil painted from it
The selfie in · the free oil out · 1 real sitting
No. 5 — $9.99, one payment

What you get.

  • Three wishesAny three pictures you like:Pick from the collection — 26 stylesOr type your own — one sentence eachOr mix the two, nobody is counting
  • One re-rollIf we nearly got them and then didn’t. You say so, we go again. No form, no argument.
  • The licenceIt comes with a licence to sell it, which somebody has clearly taken personally. Print it at any size, frame it, hang it, price it. We want no cut and no credit.
Buy my first sitting — $9.99Try it free first

300 DPI. Prints to 16×20 without going soft. We do not subscribe you to your own dog.

Do not like them?
Do not pay for them.

We have no way of getting them off your fridge from here.

30 daysNo questionsNothing to post backYou keep all
No. 6 — asked

If you’re going to ask.

Will it look like my dog?

That’s the entire job. If we miss, you re-roll the wish. The oil and the drawing come from your photograph, not from a stock breed.

Can I be in it?

Yes. Just the dog, you and the dog, or the whole family. Stand next to them and prepare to come second. The dog still gets the good side.

Who sits in the middle?

Whoever the dog chose. It was never a vote.

Is this a filter pack?

A filter puts a hat on your dog. This gives them a century, a job and somewhere to be. The hat is included, obviously.

Dogs are not a long story. This is a good way to keep one.

The Full Bloom Club · by appointment · open at odd hours
The First Sitting — $9.99The oil, the drawing, the wish, the file, one correction.Buy my first sitting — $9.99

Billing details

Your order

Product with subtotal Subtotal
The First Sitting 
$11.99 (incl. VAT)
Subtotal $11.99 (incl. VAT)
Total $11.99 (includes $2.00 UK Tax)
$9.99
10 more portraits
Ten more sittings
They are added to the same page as your first three, on the same link. Come back with another photograph any time.

    Your personal data will be used to process your order, support your experience throughout this website, and for other purposes described in our privacy policy.